Getting a little better each day:)

Sunday night was another long night...Jason sat up until 3am bc
I could sleep and kept tossing & turning. I LOVE him so much!! Hes such a great husband! Monday I tried to work but i couldnt function bc i was SO tired. Monday night I was restless too but did come to work Tuesday. Last night I slept really well! Thank God! A BIG thank you to Matt & Brooke for letting me stay with them Mon & Tues night since Jason had
To work. I started finally feeling myself again yesterday around 2ish & didn't get anxious until my appt with my therapist that evening. I'm sure that's bc
I had to talk about my feelings about things going on in my life that I have suppressed and not realized.
I felt anxious around lunch and took some meds and I'm feeling better now!

God is amazing and we really appreciate all the prayers!!!

<3

Another night of Waking up to an anxiety

So as I mentioned in my previous blog I woke up having a anxiety attack. Well it happened again last night I had taken my meds around 9:30pm so I wasn't sure why I was waking up feeling this way. I basically couldn't sleep the rest of the night & once again felt like I had bad sunburn so
I kept tossing and turning in my bed
so
I decided to move to the couch. Still couldn't sleep and I was SO hot that I kept turning the air down and I tried sleeping beside the air vent. Needless
To say I felt better but was scared
To take my Xanax bc of what happened
That night. I couldn't wait to get
To church and speak to my doctor.
He told me just to up my dose a
Little. Well unfortunately one of my Best friends, Jason & I missed service because I was
Really anxious but God brought someone really special in my life at just the perfect time to help me understand a little more.

Please continue to pray for us!!<3

Prayers Needed for Me!

& Jason too because i am sure its hard for him to watch me
Go through this.....

Okay friends! I really need
Your prayers! Wed night I had another panic attack & I've had several mini ones since then & constantly feel anxious. I went to the Dr yday and I've started taking some meds to
Hopefully help me. I was so against them but I can't keep feeling like this. My Dr prescribed me Celexa. I didn't wanna take an antidepressant but I need something to make me feel better....I woke up lastnight havin a panic attack for the 1st time at night around 3am. It scared me to death. I felt like my back was on fire!! And my heart was racing. Jason took my pulse and heart rate and it was high for me. I wasn't sure if I was hvg a bad reaction to the Celexa but Jason sd it wouldn't happen after taking 1 pill. I then realized I was hvg a panic Attack when my hands started to tingle.
I took a whole Xanax because 1/2 doesn't do anything. I tried a 1/2 xanax b4 i went to bed at 10p but then
I had to turn around & take the whole @ 3ish AM then When I woke up at 7am I was anxious again even though the Xanax was still in my system but I think it was bc my dad & Jason were leaving for an all day motorcycle Ride. It's kinda like any "little" thing is really making me anxious. I waited until 11:15 to take another whole Xanax and I am FINALLY feeling more myself. It gives me horrible dry mouth though. I'm have no appetite but when i Try & eat I feel I nausea. But I have faith that God is going to bring me through this!

I love this song my Casting Crowns:

"Praise You In This Storm"

I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
Stepped in and saved the day
But once again, I say "Amen", and it's still raining

As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away


And I'll praise You in this storm
And I will lift my hands
For You are who You are
No matter where I am
And every tear I've cried
You hold in Your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when
I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to you
And you raised me up again
My strength is almost gone
How can I carry on
If I can't find You

But as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise the God who gives
And takes away



I lift my eyes unto the hills
Where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord
The Maker of Heaven and Earth

Some may call it Coincidence......

But we call is God answering our prayers! The other day when I had my panic scare I told Jason I need someone
to just tell us what to do! Well this morning I was on the way to work praying & asking God to make it very apparent if we should save more money to try and conceive or save money for adoption. I barely got that prayer out of my mouth & I noticed a car in front of me with a bumper sticker with big bold letters that said ADOPT. I don't think God could make it any clearer. So let the process begin!!:):)

God is absolutely amazing and I finally feel like we will have a bigger family one day!:)

Please prayer for this!

Anxiety Sucks!!

So I am sitting at my desk about 10 mins before I was leaving for lunch and I felt as if I was about to black out. My vision became spotty and I got dizzy and scared then realized I am about to have a panic attack. I started my breathing exercise that the EMT & Jason taught me and I started to feel better.
I haven't felt like that since the day I had my panic attack back in Nov.
I have been lightheaded several times but I've never felt like that.
I don't even feel stressed but I guess because I'm not pregnant again this month and we have been looking a little more into adoption. Lots of decisions. Please pray for my sanity during all this!

One day we will look back and see why God has taken us down this journey.

Thanks so much for everything!

No baby this month:(

Stupid period! But we know its All in Gods timing :) Im still pretty bummed though:(
We have decided to actually try in April & May on our own & save money for another IUI & I'm also buying ovulation sticks & taking my temp. I have a calendar that I use and I think I can feel when I ovulate but I wanna be double sure! We've actually never used ovulation sticks believe it or not. We just figured it would "just happen" after 8 years.
Thank u all for the prayers & text :)
Love you all!

This is soooooooo cool!!

Around August of last year I was asked to be a "model" for a book being written by Lori Shandle-Fox about infertility. So now I am on a book cover for a book about infertility! I thought I would post it for y'all to check out the website! I've read the book and it's good.

http://www.amazon.com/dp/B007G9X19A/ref=rdr_kindle_ext_tmb

No Baby in my Belly this time

I actually started my period around lunch time today. I know a lot of people are concerned with how I'm
dealing with this and I am
Actually doing really well!
God is AMAZING!
I know he has a plan & I feel better than I have felt in a while. I sure didn't know I'd feel this way but like is said God is amazing! We are going to try in March ourselves and if I don't get pregnant them we will try another IUI in April:)

Thanks again for all the Prayers!!!!

Implantation bleeding or my Period coming???

Yesterday I starting spotting a little brownness and I kept feeling like I was gonna start my period I was on day 24 and my period isn't suppose to be here until Friday. It's rare that my period comes Day 24 or 25 but it has in the past. Before I went to bed last night it had turned to a darker pink almost bright red so I just knew I was gonna wake up this morning to my full period but I didn't and now it's back to blown. Tomorrow I'm suppose to go in for my blood test to see of I'm actually pregnant. The only symptoms I have is a really bloated tummy and headaches but those could be related to my possible upcoming period and the weather so unless I start b4 tomorrow we will know for sure tomorrow.

Thanks for all the prayers!!


For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. (Jeremiah 29:11 ESV)

1 week down & 1 week to go

We have one more week until I take a blood test to know if I'm pregnant. This is very exciting. I am still very aware that I may not be and if that's the case I have been praying for Jason & I for
strength. I know God has a plan for us regardless.
Please continue to pray for us:)

I found this scripture on a friends FB page and I really like it and wanted to
Post it because I feel like its appropriate for this.

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." (Joshua 1:9 ESV)

Randomly Emotional

Just an FYI to all my friends and family Don't be alarmed if we are hanging out and I just start crying out of the middle of nowhere. I don't feel sad or anything and I may just start crying. I guess my horomones are just going crazy.

Also I am trying to stay pretty level headed about the possibility I may or may not be pregnant an with this being said I'm trying not to get too excited just to be disappointed if the test in negative in 2 weeks. So if I'm not really talking about this or anything or seem kinda quit about it...I wanted y'all to know why:)

Thanks again for all the prayers:)

Today was the BiG DaY

I had the IUI today and it was by far the worst pain I've ever felt but I'm sure having a baby Is far worse;) The Dr told me that my Cervix was really tight. He said if i don't get pregnant this time then next time they may need to put me to sleep and dilate my cervix for the catheter. I guess that's why it hurt me so bad.
We do have great news about Jason sperm morphology. It is now at 6% & 2 weeks ago it was at 2%. So Jason's life style change is working!!:)

Oh & I also need to correct something from my last post. I actually had a HCG shot not HSG the other night...

Thanks for all the prayers!!!
I REALLY hope it Gods will for me to pregnant this time:)

IUI scheduled!!! :-)

We went to the Dr Yesterday for my Saline Ultrasound and guess what...my tubes are all clear so there is no blockage and I have 3 follicles ready to release eggs:) Clomid def did its job:) They gave me a Shot of HSG to take at 11pm last night. I was unable to give myself that shot and Jason had to work so our awesome neighbors Adam & Sarah helped me out:)
Now...because my follicles are almost ready to release the eggs I didn't have to go in this morning and get another ultrasound & they went ahead and scheduled my IUI for 10am tomorrow morning:) We have to get there at 8:30 for Prep etc. So excited! We really pray this is the cycle that we get pregnant but also remember that God is in control of all this.
Please keep us in your prayers :)

Irritated was an understatement

So..... I was supposed to have an appt with Dr Toma at 3:45 today. Around 12:30 today the nurse calls me to tell me he is in surgery and they need to reschedule my appt until later that day.
Since I wasn't going to take a lunch I decided to meet Jason so that we could ride to my appt together. I was almost home when I received another call from the nurse telling me he is still in surgery and they need to reschedule my appt until tomorrow. I was so pissed to put it lightly. For one my horomones are already intensified because of this Clomid and I'm already trying not to be stressed about my week and it's also the End of the month at my job so it's not the best time for me to be missing work. We ended up rescheduling my appt for tomorrow at 2 but not before she knew how upset I was...let's just say I had to call her back and apologize. I never act like that so I felt terrible.

Jason was so sweet! He kept telling me "it's okay..God knows what he is doing and there is a reason for all this we just need to trust in him." He is so right. We are not in control!



***And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose. (Romans 8:28 ESV)***



Thanks for all the calls, text, comments
and most of all Prayers:)

Busy week coming up.....

Well I am finshed taking my Clomid. I can't really tell I have been taking it other than the crazy mood swings I was having yesturday. Every little thing was making me angry. I did not take it out on anyone though because I knew it was just a side effect.

Today has been just a little stressful to say the least. I woke up feeling great but when I was about to fix my hair for Church I got dizzy. I was so dizzy this morning I had to lay down for about 10mins.  I have been like this off and on since the end of last week. I almost threw myself into a panic attack a few times. I am pretty sure it is stress related since I have all this important stuff coming up this week. Please just keep us in your prayers because I don't feel like I am all that stressed but I must be really nervous on the inside since Im feeling this way.

We have the Saline Ultrasound tomorrow at 3:45 & The Ultrasound to check my ovaries' follicles to see if they are ready for Dr. Toma to do the IUI.

Oh but Guess what!!! We have decided on a girl name & boy name for the baby we will have in the future :)

If we have a girl we will name her Emelyn Rae & Elton Preston for a boy. They both have very special meaning to us. Rae is my parents and siblings lastname but they spell it Ray, Elton was my late Papas name, & Preston is my Stepdads name. Emelyn doesn't really have any special meaning We just really LOVE the name:):):)

Day 1....

Well guess what came this morning. My period. I usually am not super excited to see it, but today I WAS bc this means I get to start my Clomid. I really hope this little white pill helps us make a baby:)
Plz pray for us!:)

New Update with New Information

So today was our appt with Dr Toma to get our Labs results.

He started with Jason & the only real concern he has is that Jason's Semen Analysis showed his Sperm Morphology at 2% when it should be at 10%-15% everything else was in a pretty normal range. Now that news is AWESOME news compared to the last Semen Analysis. He did tell Jason he needs to Stop drinking coffee, Alcohol, putting the lap top in his lap, Start exercising, & eat a better diet. He also said his testosterone was on the low end of normal but his Brain was compensationg with FSH. The Dr wrote a proscription for him to take 1/2 dose of Clomid for 30 days to help with this.

Dr Toma told me that my labs showed my ovaries are producing eggs like a 39 year old not a 31 year old :( He also wanted me to schedule an Appt to have a Saline ultrasound to make sure my left tube isn't blocked since me HSG 7 years ago was hard to read due to my tilted uterus. This appt is scheduled for 1/27.

He wrote me a prescription for Clomid. I take it for the 1st 5 days of my next Cycle which should be any day now..On Day 11 I start checking my ovulation every 12 hrs & once I pop a positive test for Ovulation I go in for a ultrasound then within 24hrs they will do the IUI:):):)

Another thing he said that was different from Last year results was that the IUI success rate would be about 10%-15%. They told us 5%-7% last year.

I know God is in control of all this and everything happens in his timing for reasons that only he knows.

Thanks again for all the prayers/text/calls and kind words:)

Consultation with Dr Toma at NCCRM

This afternoon Jason & I had an appt with Dr Toma who works at North Carolina Center for Reproductive Medicine (NCCRM). Went to go see him because he had been highly recommended from so many people.

The appt was basically giving him our background information since I did not have our medical records Thanks to the previous Infertility center we used never mailed our paperwork to us, nor responded to my email or returned my phone call :(

After we gave Dr. Toma a little background info he wanted to have both Jason & myself blood drawn to check our levels. He also wanted Jason to have another semen analysis.

We were able to take care of all of that today.

So...we have an appt Friday Feb. 17th @ 9am to go over our labs and possibly start me on clomid. He also mentioned possibly starting Jason on clomid as well. Jason's reaction was funny...The look on his face was priceless. Dr Toma said Clomid can also help with men.

I am really glad we didnt move forward with anything last year with the infertility Doctors we talked to in Greenville because based on the experience we had with the doctors there and the experience we had today with Dr Toma. I feel like the other Drs in Greenville just wanted to have another IVF patient instead of  looking further into everything. They never mentioned anything to either one of us about having our blood drawn... their answer after Jason's Semen analysis was IVF ICSI is all we can do....

God is amazing & he has a purpose for everything :)

So....... I will keep you all posted!!

Please continue to keep us in your prayers :)

And a BIG Thank you for all the prayers & support!!

1 Peter 5:7

Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Adoption luncheon at Church today

After Church today we had a luncheon regarding adoption. Several families in our Church have adopted or are fostering children.

Did you know that.....

It is estimated there are between 143 million & 210 million orphans worldwide (recent UNICEF report)
Everyday 5,760 more children become orphans
Approximately 250,000 children are adopted annually, but...
Each year 14,505,000 children grow up as orphans and age out of the system at age 16
Each day 38,493 orphans age out
Every 2.2 seconds another orphan ages out with no family and no place to call home.


The facts I listed below really made Jason & I fall more in love with adoption. It breaks my heart to think that all these children are going through this.
We are still going to talk to Dr. Toma Tuesday but we are def not doing IVF.We both agree that it would be selfish for us to spend that money not knowing if it will work when we can use it to adopt a child.
Please keep us in your prayers. We are getting really excited about this journey we are about to endure.

Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress. James 1: 27-28

We have schuduled a consultation with the Dr for Feb 7th

We have a consulation Dr's appt Tuesday to get some more information on prices etc. We are also gonna attend a lunchon that our Church is having Sunday regarding Adoption. Please cont....to keep us in your prayers :)

New Year....New Attitude!!

I can definitely say 2011 was not my favorite year but this is a New Year and We have a new attitude about the baby we will one day have if its the Lords will.

Just to give a little update since my last post.....

We have since moved back to the area near where we grew up. Its really nice to be around family & friends. I have started to see a counselor which has helped a lot. I decided to go see her because I had my 1st and hopefully last Panic Attack in Nov 2011. I then realized that I need to try & figure about what is going on with me. I am the type of person who tries to always have a smile on my face and have a good attitude. I didn't realize that I had all this stress from the infertility and other things building up inside of me until I had my Panic Attack. It has really helped me to be able to talk all this out with someone who can try & help us make sense of all this.

We went to see my counselor this week and she said that because I almost 32 we need to go ahead and start the process of trying to have a baby whether it be adoption, or IUI. She said her fear for me is that if we don't go ahead and start the process I will be 34/35 years old & regret not doing all this sooner. You know the term Biological clock ticking??? Well mine is definitely ticking ;)

Jason & I have talked and prayed about this and we have decided NOT to do IVF. I nor him want me to put all those chemicals in my body. We decided we will adopt if it came down to those 2 options. There are also other reasons like Cost (yes I know it cost to adopt) & etc.

We have decided to Try and IUI & also look into adoption. We will soon be making an appt with 2 highly ranked infertility centers here in our area to get more information and hopefully start this process.

Please keep us in your prayers!!!

We are no longer saying we cant have a baby, we will now say we will have a baby one day it just might not be the old fashion way.


Thanks in advance for all the prayers & support!!